Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
