yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
