doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
