I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
