I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
