I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
