well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
