Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
