I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
