Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
