You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
