so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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