mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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