you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
