32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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