I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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