No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
