I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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