It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
