Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
