So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
