I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
