It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My vagina is officially offended.
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