He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
