Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
