I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Sober January is a disaster.
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we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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