Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
