it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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