I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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