You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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