I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Randomize
