Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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