So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
