life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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