so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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