no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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