Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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