I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
