Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
