Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
