her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she was so not down for the gang bang
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
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Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i dont even know how to be here
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
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this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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