he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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