Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Boobs speak an international language.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You've changed since you got that strap on
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
