I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dignity is for republicans.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
