There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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