Can Purell be used as lube?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize