a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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