when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
