smell my finger.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
