I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
