I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
