Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
smell my finger.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
