I am in a vortex of obligation.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
