I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
