Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
