So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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