OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
