My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
