i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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