I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
