my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
