saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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