where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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