You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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