I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
