You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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