I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
