there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
