u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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