well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize