I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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