in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Alive.
So much puke
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
