A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
