____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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