first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
