This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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