Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
