I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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