Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
