I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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